What About Being Totally Fabulous?

Ladies and Gentleman, gurus and goofballs, welcome to the first annual Shmuz Weekly Unisex Fashion Show!

We've got a truly tanfastic lineup of the most gender neutral clothing around, so whatever you do, don't touch that dial.*


First on the runway is Jordan, delivering all the style that can fit in your mailbox with this hip, new messenger bag. When people shout out "man purse!" Jordan keeps moving right along. Just take a closer at this young man's single-strap sling-over and you'll see he's not carrying any change... He's got a special delivery with your name on it.




Up next we have Skylar, sporting a pair of the newest shoes to be named after a predatory reptile, Crocs! Whether you're employed as a clown or a full-time shmuz of a college student, these holey rubbers are for you. Available in the same colors as Nick's Polos including Seafoam Green, Yuppy Yellow, and Please Kill Me Kiwi.




Want to pay tribute to your native American heritage, but not enough to protest Columbus day? Check out Taylor's solution, as she lightly treads Mother Earth with these moccasins. Warm, comfortable, and no need to tie, they're the perfect fit for those days you're just lying around the tepee.




Winter is here, and sometime soon, you may have to offer your jacket to that special someone. With the black fleece Northface, boyfriend and girlfriend alike can share a coat for the holiday season. But what's the real secret? Dog hair and lint collection at a reasonable three hundred dollars.




Ever wish you could be those kids in the Capri Sun commercials? Me neither, but Alex looks liquid cool in these capri pants. Hemming off just below the knee, capris are a big help on those days when you can't decide between shorts or long pants. And the name? Well, who wants to wear "ports" or "shants"?


Look, people. It doesn't matter who you are or where you're from, unisex fashion is the wave of the future. The line between the "Men's" and "Women's" sections is rapidly blurring, and so is the line between men and women. Every day, girls are taking shits, guys are smoking Camel No. 9s, and more and more bathrooms are becoming co-ed. Make sure you don't get left behind by picking up your gender neutral clothing today. Because the future is now, and the revolution will not be on YouTube.


*The great thing about the phrase "don't touch that dial" is that no TVs are made with dials any more. I think perhaps this calls for a column on outdated colloquialisms, but I wouldn't bet on it.