Thoughts of a fat dutch kid

There are lots of random things I do that make people call me a ten year old. Sometimes, it's because of what I'm eating. Lifesavers candy probably falls in that category. That being acknowledged, we can move on to ask, what the fuck is up with Lifesavers wrappers?

When you want to eat a roll of Lifesavers, first you have to attack the top of the package. This always leads to getting the strange silver foil under your nails, and it can take a solid five minutes. Upon reaching the first colored ring, you must begin the process of unraveling the paper and foil tube. By the time you get to the last two or three pieces, you're left with a long, sloppy-looking string of paper. Of course, you can tear off the tail at any point, but it's just impractical. Why would anyone design a candy wrapper that makes you look ridiculous unless you rip it and stuff it in your pocket?

Look at the picture. The only thing that Lifesavers has changed about their package since the 50's is... well, nothing really. Why not put it in a small plastic tube, like the ones for M&M's Minis, the kind Nick uses as a Fleshlight.

I know no one cares, but I would argue that this has serious business implications. There are some things that we just accept are a bitch to open. Electronic products are often in plastic that seems impossible to get through without slicing open a finger. But candy? Really? That could stop a fat dutch kid from coming back.

In the interest of maintaining my image, I think I'll be switching to Fun Dip.