What's a touchback?!

Sometimes, when I'm watching an Eagles game, my dad comes in and asks, "What inning is it?" He knows that only baseball games have innings, and he could probably tell you that football games have four quarters. When he asks something like that, he's usually joking.

When the camera features a shot of the opposing team's coach, though, it's a different (and telling) story. Let's say I'm watching football and there's a closeup of rosy-cheeked New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin. My dad will look at him and say, "Who is that man?" And this time, he's serious. He really doesn't know. My dad is what I would call a non-fan. He doesn't follow sports, doesn't care about them, and only watches them to participate in a family or social dynamic.

Most sports fans find non-fans annoying. Non-fans ask questions about basic rules. (Why was that a penalty?!) They make seemingly irrelevant observations. (This field has dirt between the mound and home plate!) And they generally exude frustration and resentment over having to sit through a three hour game that you care about WAY too much.

That being acknowledged, sports fans, I'm asking you to give the non-fans a chance, and I'm telling you it's for your own good.

Fans can learn from non-fans, and vice versa. The key is to never dismiss a non-fan for their lack of knowledge. You watch Sportscenter just as religiously as your girlfriend watches the Hills. It's easy to belittle or ignore non-fans for what they don't know. It's more interesting to find out what they do.

For example, if ESPN has breaking news that Sidney Crosby is, in fact, a woman, and a non-fan has never heard of Sid the Kid, that gives you an indication of how the NHL is doing these days. Many non-fans have never heard of Alex Ovechkin either, but you can be damn sure they've heard of Lebron James. Non-fans can help you gauge how far an athlete's celebrity extends beyond their sport. Once your mom can name more than two players in the NHL, you'll know the league is stepping up their marketing game.*

Non-fans can also be useful observers during game time. Yes, their questions can be annoying. But they can also challenge you as a fan. Where do you draw the line between a charge and a blocking foul? Why do the rules seem different for that in the last two minutes? Shouldn't rules be the same the whole game no matter what? Non-fans may leave you stumped, but they can also help clue you in. While you're paying attention to balls and strikes, they're paying attention to how nervous the rookie pitcher looks. They point it out, he gives up a home run. In some sense, they can see it coming when you can't. A non-fan's lack of interest in the game itself often leads them to insights that are lost on a fan following every play.

Listen, I'm a fan. I know that sometimes it feels like non-fans will just never understand. And maybe, for certain aspects of sports, they won't. They'll probably never understand why a win can make your day and a loss can ruin it. Or why you care how Pedro Martinez pitched in a fake game. When it feels like that, just try to remember that they view sports the same way you view The Hills. Who gives a flying fuck that Heidi broke a nail and Spencer like totally ignored her? Well, who gives a rat's ass that Brett Favre and Brad Childress are sexting each other?

All I know is, if we're going to a watch a three hour game together, we might as well make the most of it. We may not always see eye to eye, but all I am saying, is give non-fans a chance.

*Thanks to Kate, with whom I had this exact conversation, for her enlightening perspective as a non-fan