I don't think we've met...

How many times have you passed by someone you sort of kind of know and felt the pangs of awkward tension, the slight panic and self-doubt involved in debating whether or not you should just say "Hi." You know exactly what I'm talking about. This moment is complicated, especially on college campuses, and it comes in many different forms. Maybe you're walking by the kid that lives on your hall but never comes out of his room, the one you suspect to be a serial killer. Maybe you're daydreaming, imagining a stint on reality show The Pick Up Artist, when suddenly you find yourself three steps behind a hot girl who glances back in your direction, and makes you feel creepier than Michael Jackson appearing on reality show Kid Nation. Needless to say, I have the utmost sympathy, so here is some further case-by-case analysis and advice for these situations:

Keep in mind that for all of the following, the assumed setting is isolated, just you and the other person. Avoidance through use of a different path is not an option. Think: walking by someone on a bridge when no one else is around.

1. Passing by a complete stranger: This scenario seems to depend largely on the other person. If the stranger is babbling away on their cell phone about how drunk they were last night, then any tension is completely removed from the moment and you are thus free to act however you please.

Alternatively, if the stranger is not using a phone, and your impulse is to avoid any interaction, you may take yours out and pretend to be doing something. Pretending to talk on the phone, however, presents a number of problems. The first and foremost is that it makes you feel pathetic. Saying "Hi, what's up?!" to dead air is in essence creating an imaginary friend. You haven't spoken to "Charlie" since you were five years old. Calling him now would just be awkward for both parties. The other option, pretending to text message/generally fiddle (you like that word choice) involves a risk of doing something extremely goofy due to the fact that your head is focused on that yun screen. You might trip without falling, and turn redder than Steve's cheeks on a nippy day. You might trip and take a spill, in which case the stranger passing by will from then on remember you as that guy who busted his ass. Or you might walk into the stranger, thus rendering your attempt at avoidance to be the cause of interaction.

If the stranger makes direct eye contact you obviously have two options: you can reciprocate or avert. If you reciprocate, the next natural step is a facial expression. (Otherwise, you're just having a staring contest while walking by each other. How many times has someone said to you: "Hey, want to have a staring contest while walking in opposite directions?!") The most common and expected facial expression is the smile. Over my years of extensive research, I've found that the half-smile works best. The half-smile generally consists of no teeth but causes you (and especially me) to appear like the guy on the Lemonheads candy box. Whether the stranger reciprocates or is indifferent to your half-smile, you can feel good about it. If you go with the full-blown, Austin Powers-type smile though, and the stranger does not reciprocate, you may walk away feeling like a grinning jackass.

If you avert your eyes, the stranger will generally follow your lead so as not to make you feel uncomfortable.

If the stranger is neither busy with something like a phone nor offering you any eye contact, but looking straight ahead you might as well do the same thing. You're both making a choice to not acknowledge each other and that's nothing to be ashamed of.

2. Passing by someone you met at a party: I know this one can be tough. Last night, you played against this person in a beerpong game that went into double overtime, exchanging congenial trash talk throughout. You tried to distract them with your disturbingly unsexy dance moves and they laughed and all seemed right with the world. But that was last night and this is now. Now, you don't know whether this person remembers your name, or whether they'd even care to. As always, you can apply any of the techniques listed for the complete stranger scenario, but in this case, I believe the best idea is to greet the passerby loud and clear. Doing so reminds the person that you shared some good times over that delicious laxative, Keystone Light, and establishes the prospect of being sober, daytime friends instead of just drunken, party friends.

Of course, you may not want someone you met at a party to remember you. You may have been that black out guy; the one that dropped the bong and then suggested gluing all fifty of its shattered pieces back together, or the one that yakked on the wall two feet from the bathroom door. If you were that guy, just throw your hood up (HAHA TOM SAID HOOD) and keep your head down.

3. Passing by someone you have class with: If you've ever sat next to this person or talked to them in class, you might as well say hi. The danger here is becoming just class friends. Of course, the class you share is an excellent jumping off point for conversation, but if you establish a precedent of asking "Do we have a quiz tomorrow?" every time you see each other, you WILL regret it. Because you can't ask "Do we have a quiz tomorrow?" on Saturday.

4. Passing by someone you recently hooked up with: This scenario really has to be evaluated on an individual, specific circumstances basis. If the morning you woke up in this person's room consisted of you rolling over and thinking "What the FUCK?" then you're probably not going to want to acknowledge their existence. On the other hand, if you spent the night before wooing them with sonnets off the top of your head, it would make sense to stop and at least discuss the weather.

I know. In reality, the circumstances are usually somewhere in between those two opposite extremes. Just don't put too much stock in one, singular passing by. It may be your both shy, like dogs from Bad Newz Kennels. And besides, if they really want things to continue, they'll like totally facebook you.