Loling All the Way

Consider the following words of comedian Demetri Martin: "I don't type 'lol.' I type 'lqtm' ... laughing quietly to myself ... It's more honest."

The man has a point. As a society, we have developed textual expressions to convey images or sounds generally found in face-to-face human interaction. Especially for laughter. Expressions such as "lol" now have a variety of implicit meanings, but what exactly are they? How do we know when to say "lol" as opposed to "haha"? Or even "lol" as opposed to "lolol"? Shmuz Weekly has your guide:

Lol: It's rare that we actually laugh out loud while by ourselves. Even when you're watching a TV show that you find funny, how often do you chuckle in the same way that you might while watching it with other people? Without the group dynamic, laughing out loud seems more awkward than miniature golfing by yourself. You want to turn to someone and say "Gee willickers, friend, wasn't that hilarious?" or "Talk about a hole in one!" ...but it's just not possible.

Instead, "lol" has taken on a more figurative meaning. It's a way of communicating "That's funny" but in the most broad sense of the word. Think of "lol" as your fail-safe. This can be especially helpful when you're having a conversation with someone that is NOT funny. You can consistenly "lol" them without causing any offense. The expression is now used so frequently in such a wide variety of contexts that if I really had to equate it with anything in face-to-face conversation, it would be a smirk or a smile. Lol is filler, like huge ass sideline reporter Tony "Goose" Siragusa.

Haha: Keep in mind that this is an onomatopoeia, then look at how hard that word is to spell. "Haha" actually represents the sound one might make while laughing. In this sense, "haha" is unique. People that snort, for example, do not write "snort snort," which would sound less like an expression of laughter and more like a Pokemon. "Haha" though, represents a sincere form of internet laughter. When the reader sees "Haha" on their computer screen, that is also the sound they hear in their head, and thus that is the sound they associate with your response.

Another interesting use of "Haha" is to soften the blow of a heavy statement by tacking it onto the end. For example:

"Sorry I purposely backed into your car last night over a bag of 'Blue Doritos' haha."

"Yeah I really deserved to get socked in the face haha."

"I'm pregnant haha."

Lolol: The strung out version of "lol" expresses that you really, truly found something funny. "Lolol" is often used by gamers in moments of great excitement:

TBone: Take THIS n00b!

*STivo was killed by TBone*

TBone: Pwned with a headshot.

STivo: I gave your mom a headshot last night lolol.

Feel free to add extra "ol"s to "Lolol" to further convey the degree of hilarity.

Hahaha: Like the strung out "Lol," the "Hahaha" should be used for when you want to communicate that something was genuinely comical. Considering the prior analysis of "Haha," you can see why "Hahaha" is quite the positive reinforcement for those babes that you've been chatting online with all day.

Feel free to add extra "ha"s to hammer home the point.

Hahah: Clearly in between "haha" and "hahaha." It means something is funnier than "haha" but not quite worthy of "hahaha" status. "Hahah" is to "Hahaha" as the MTV Video Music Awards are to the Grammys. As Kanye will tell you, "hahah" can actually be quite frustrating. Think of it this way: "Hahah" is like when you get an A-/B+ on a paper (which really pisses me off but maybe we'll save that for a separate post.) It's not an 88, but it's not a 91. It's an 89.5.

Hah: Also between two distinct stages, "hah" does not have the harsher tone of the singular "ha" but also lacks the light-heartedness of the full "haha." It's meaning is actually rather unclear, as it is rarely used. Typing "haha" feels like a natural, instinctive motion, whereas typing "hah" requires more concentration to stop short of that extra "a". As if something is missing, "Hah" indicates close, but no cigar that belongs to Terrance.

Ha: This response is as flat as it looks. "Ha" can be used to indicate that you did NOT find something funny but furthermore that you found it annoying or offensive. It depends on the context, but the singular "Ha" seems to have adopted a sarcastic tone. Don't pull this one out unless you are seriously not amused.

There are a few other expressions that we have not covered so far such as "lmao" (laughing my ass off), "lmfao" (laughing my fucking ass off), "rofl" (rolling on the floor laughing), "roflmfao" (rolling on the floor laughing my fucking ass off), and "lshimp" (laughing so hard I shit my pants). Okay, I made that last one up. But the majority of internet laughter is variations of "lol" and "haha." Using any other expressions beyond those would make you a real shmuz. (lqtm)